How to Never Suffer From Rejection Again

Reject what rejects you.

Reject relationships that make you feel less than. Reject friendships that don’t support your dream. Reject ideas our family are spewing at us if it doesn’t make us a better person. Reject any sabotoging habits that cause us not to be seen which causes us to reject who we are.

Whatever it is–any person, place or thing; any idea, or feeling that makes us feel less than–REJECT IT. If we’re in a room full of people who do not like us, reject the entire room. Stand there full of light beaming. You can envision a bubble surrounding you where when you walk, they can boop–bounce out of the way because their opinions can not touch you.

When we can make the decisions to reject anything that rejects us–we become UNSTOPPABLE. We will do anything to be exactly who we are and it feels natural without resistance.

The only person who can truly reject us is ourselves and we can love ourselves through that.

The way to release suffering from rejection again, is to fully accept ourselves. Reject what rejects you, and have a great day!

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Beware of Advice that Keeps You Safe

BEWARE–Terrible advice is among us. It pollutes the air and suffocates us of our purpose–disguising itself as “safety”. It’s like American Southern fried foods “made with love” but actually clog our arteries and kill us earlier than need be. Listen at your own risk.

Communities love to keep their common values in tact. Once you stray, they will offer “strong advice”–not to do that thing that will actually expand you and make you the greatest person you can be. They want to warn you of the willie wile ways of the world. There’s a monster under the bed, so you better not look under there and educate yourself about what’s really going to happen if you peek.

Their path to safety is your path to death and danger.

Some people can eat gluten and some people can not. Some people can run a business and some people can not. What’s meant for you is customizable to you. You’re going to the beat of your own drum and others can not hear it so they do not understand. Disregard common advice unless you feel it’s yours to follow.

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What Do You Want To Do Before You Die?

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled…all because someone was too afraid to take that first step.”
-Les Brown

What’s holding you back from following your dreams? Is it because people who aren’t dreaming big are putting you down?

Why are we even here?–The magic is that WE GET TO DECIDE why we’re here. We get to decide what to do with our time.

“Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one’s bath like a lump of sugar”
-Pablo Picasso

It’s a miracle that you are reading this blog right now.

Does a near death experience have to happen with our lives flashing before our eyes before we wake up from our limitations? No! We can put ourselves in that mindset. Think of being in our elderly age with all our family surrounding us and it’s almost time to pull the plug. What are we going to look back on and say “I wish I had done this instead”? Do that. Do that now.

What are you doing with your time? Do you feel fulfilled and excited? Are you goal setting but feel miserable on the way? Do you get to see your family as much as you’d like? Do you feel like you live in alignment with what’s important to you or do you feel constantly pulled away because of what’s expected of you?

Go do. Go be. We don’t have a lot of time here. Let’s do this.

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To Truely Live, We Must Offend People (A Personal Story)

This is from a talk I did at a Hip Hop/Entrepreneurial Festival in Atlanta, GA.

Here is some of my story on going from defense, to offense.

I was working in a small town in the Bible Belt with a boss who comparable to Michael Scott with a hillbilly accent. I’m a woman who grew up in metropolitan Washington D.C. I felt like my brain cells were deteriorating everyday listening to the same petty office politics day in and day out. I wasn’t going to go back to college like every one told me to. But what was I to do?

I realized my whole life was constructed out of fear. I went to college because I took on the fear of everyone else that I wouldn’t be set for life if I didn’t. College wasn’t for me so I quit. I took jobs that did not fit me because every one told me that was “secure”. I lived in low-income housing because that’s all I could afford living this life people told me to.

I needed to find my voice.

I realized I needed to start working my bravery muscles. I made a list of things that scare me.

I used to be a photographer, and I refused to let anyone take a picture of me. This is a normal photographer gripe, but I didn’t want to be normal anymore. I wanted to be me, and expand the facets in which I could be seen. I looked like the Duff in group photos. It’s because I didn’t think I was worthy of being seen. So I took a modeling class. If I could start to even look normal in a photo, that’d be making progress.

From there, I started modeling, acting, speaking, and any way that I could express myself and be more vulnerable. What I noticed was the more that I expressed myself, the more I offended people. The more we step out, the more we display a power in which people aren’t familiar. That’s where the haters sound off. That’s where the “You offended me by bringing out your brightness” comes to play.

For entrepreneurs, artists, and change-makers, we have a message to share. Even though it offends people, it also serves people. The more we step out, the more we make a difference. If we’re offending people, it means we’re exposing them to something they’re not used to seeing. Even if it seems like a negative reaction, we are actually pushing them. There is possibility for expansion. We might be able to change their mind about something.

So keep being you. Keep pushing yourself as far out to be seen as possible. Keep pursuing your passion, your mission, and your message. Please, don’t stop offending people, for the good of humanity.

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“Likes” and “Follows” Do Not Equal Worth (Inspirational Rant 😀 )

If we have any entrepreneurs or self-promoting artists in our social media feeds, we’ve likely seen this post at least once:

“Friends support each other, so if you did not follow my business page, I’m deleting you. You are not a true friend”.

I would like to encourage you not to follow this strategy, in case you were considering it. Here’s why.

Listen, people are watching you whether they announce it to you or not. Instead of focusing on an empty space where they “should have” followed us, liked our post, or commented on every single status, focus on the space of how we impact someone. Silent watchers are more popular than we think. With this method, we are deleting fans and potential clients simply for not clicking a button.

Numbers are there to measure but not our self worth to the world, and not our meaning in a friendship and connection–and isn’t that the point of social media–to be SOCIAL and CONNECT?

Silent lurkers may be adoring us and benefiting from our content. Study successful people with a huge following and they will tell you the same. Some people will enroll in what they’re offering right away, and some are not ready for many many years. You have to play the long game, to borrow a saying from social media king, Gary Vee. Build relationships.

Listen–the people who are visibly following and liking may not be our top supporters. They can be casual watchers who’ll never go to our concert, art show, or workshop. They may be following to steal your offerings verbatim, they may be talking smack about you. People who “like” us, may not even genuinely LIKE us. Labeling them as true supporters is short sighted.

The numbers will come if we add value and contribute consistently.

Number of likes does not equal the number of significance we have. Gary Vee is constantly saying “One is greater than zero”. Even if we only have one follower, we have a bigger impact than zero followers. Lead that one.Gary Vee tells aspiring YouTubers that he published  Wine Library TV and no one watched it for five years but it blew up. We don’t need to be hurt or angry when what’s resonating with us is not resonating to the person right next to us. It doesn’t mean they are not supportive, maybe they do not want to buy wraps, fitness products, maybe they do not like that music genre, or aren’t into business tools. If we work in front of a camera, not everyone is excited to see 10 identical #seflifeselfies throughout the day.

 

If that is engaging the people who will support us the most, then keep on. Let every one else go.

Let people be exposed to you. AND let some people whom you interact with in real life CHOOSE SOMETHING OTHER THAN YOU. Let them choose other ways to exchange value with you, like kind smiles, a crying shoulder to lean on. If they are toxic to your mission, that is one thing. But if they are standing there, minding their own business, and  simply do not worship your every post, stop and think about why this means so much to you. Think about what people can expect from you–You, who is apparently pretty busy following your big dreams, does it benefit you to sit and worship every friend you have on social media? Not following you does not make someone unsupportive scum. Hug your dog, smell the roses, smoke some green if that’s the your thing–but please go your path, and don’t put efforts to throw up your fist in anger when many familiar faces aren’t following you.

I would rather choose to experience life where I can say “Thank you to the followers, I’m happy I can contribute” and “Thank you for the existence of people who do not follow. I hope you’re being served wherever you choose”.

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You Must Be a Quitter to Win!

There are so many goal setting teachings out there that you must set a clear specific goal and stick to it, and that if you quit it, then you are a quitter! You’re a loser who doesn’t do what they set out to accomplish.

The thing is there is no book of life on how to be us. Sometimes we set out to do a goal, and half way through, we realize we are miserable in the process. If we don’t love the process, the goal is not for us! We can adjust accordingly. We can throw out the blueprint, the ideas, and start blank AT ANY TIME.

One thing I loved about film making was how fast things change. It was a life metaphor. If that line written in script didn’t work, we changed it. If that entire scene didn’t work for the whole movie, we took it out. Sometimes we were told to dress in winter attire, and although a lot of effort and money went into this, when it didn’t work, we through all our plans out the window, and made summer attire work. There was no time to complain. We just moved! We created. Nothing was labeled as a failure. It was just “Let’s try this instead”.

Same goes for the film itself. It’s not uncommon for film projects to get started on and thrown out the window. It can be unnerving if we let it be. The creators can label themselves as quitters if they wish to wallow. But a winner takes a quitting as a win. A win from what was learned in the creative process about what works and what does not. Maybe one of those creators learned they do not wish to be a director, that they are truly gifted in script writing. Nonetheless, life goes on. We can now have a series of unfortunate events to share telltales about, and maybe some funny anecdotes.

Some of us were told to go to college. I did–and realized it wasn’t for me. Does that make me a quitter or someone who finds out what works for me and goes after that instead? Some of us enjoy college and switch majors a lot. Does that make a flighty person, or an experiential, multi passionate person? The finger pointers may say “You’re just blowing in the wind. You never finish what you start”. I want you to hear the praise in that statement–that you STARTED and you did it OVER AND OVER AGAIN, when others can not find it in themselves to do it ONCE.

Be you. Be real. Be happy. Follow what your gut is telling you to do–THAT’S what’s most important.

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Failing is Winning

Pictures of success gather all around us from the moment we wake up and check our social media news feed, to driving to work seeing billboards, to getting a call in the afternoon about something great that happened to our friend.

Sometimes I reflect on my day, and realize that I took a lot of shots, but missed every single one of them. It can feel defeating if they are labeled as failures alone. Failure means not achieving something we put efforts into. It’s a moment in time, not an identity. Trying can also mean that we planted seeds somewhere and they are meant to grow at their own pace. Let’s say we get shot down on a sales call. The average times a consumer says yes is actually after 7 times of exposure. So the average person it takes seven conversations or relationship building interactions. You’ve just knocked one out of seven out of the way! You’ve won on taking a step forward. You’ve won at a potentially new client.

Read any success story, and you’ll see behind Starbucks, Apple, and any artist, entrepreneur, or change maker, there was A LOT of failing along the way. We hadn’t talked about it much because we didn’t make it sexy to talk about until the internet came along and started exposing us behind all doors. Times are changing and ’tis the season! Pick up a book or google someone who’s done what you aspire to do. Learn about how failure plays into success. Brainwash yourself to get as comfy in it as taking a bra off at the end of the day and hopping into PJ’s. The more we learn to live in it, the further we can go.

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The Gift of Depression

Feeling pain and sadness is a part of the human experience. With depression, you get comfortable with pain, and it can be used as a gift. We are made up of yin and yang, with light and darkness, rather than some of us light and some of us labeled as dark. We can embrace our imperfections.

My experience with depression is like a video game. The map is a journey inside myself. Each level I have a new Bowser to learn how to defeat. Each level I achieve new tools and more wisdom. With each level I am chiseling away at the molds society gave me and shaping into who I truly choose to be.

Depression is labeled in dark colors. Fear of the darkness inside ourselves is no different than fear of darkness in a bedroom as a child. When we learn that the monsters under the bed and inside ourselves are just made up stories someone told us about, it’s not so scary anymore. We learn that all that’s in the room with us is the same as during the daylight hours. We learn what we are truly made of.

Experiencing deep depression means something to share with people who have experienced deep pain of other kinds of horrors, people with other unknown Bowsers I will never meet, and I can empathize with them, be by their side. I have swords and tools to share with them. I have open arms and a warm heart to wrap around them.

We are not alone in our depression. Depression is not exclusively a weakness and downfall. I love my depression because I love myself whole just as love my lighter traits like kindness, introspection, and being soft spoken.

It’s easy to wish depression away and wish it never happened. Resistance creates more depression. Berating the experience makes us more depressed. Embrace your feelings as they are and you can move through them.

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To My Younger Introverted Self on Dating (My Personal Story)

When I was younger, I didn’t have many introverts in my circle, and we did not have the lovely internet to find like minded people who understood. So here I am now, reaching out to my tribe.

You’re not weird and less than just because you are not as vocal and sociable as others. I want to share with you how I used to think as an introvert with low self esteem and what I’ve learned since then about introvert power.

I remember dating someone and feeling polar opposite. He was the guy every one knew in my small town; he was charming, innovative, and handsome. He knew how to talk to anyone. He traveled. He was adventurous. He was everything I thought I lacked. He was also quite a womanizer. I saw the girls he’d hang out with–they were loud, seemingly strong, fun-loving women. I didn’t quite understand his intentions towards me with all these vibrant women fighting to get to him. Without a sense of self and being made out to be the weird kid or “too shy”, comparison was hurtful to me.

What I had yet to learn was that being an introvert does not make you second place. It doesn’t make you slower or weaker than anyone else.

To my old self, there is power in your quietness. It makes him nervous, and on edge what you might be thinking of him. He can not read your mind and know how much you look up to him. You are a great mystery. You are grounded and authentic. Stop thinking because of this one trait–that the other girls are louder, it makes them…better. When you and this man look into each other in the eyes, you are changing each other’s lives. There are so many other ways to communicate. There is so much to offer in each individual. Being extroverted isn’t the only way to make your way through life and it isn’t the only way to be seen in all your magical glory. Yes, that’s right–you are magic too!

You found a Logan to your Rory.

Eventually you split but you takeaway a great deal. You’re traveling, adventurous, innovative self was there all along and just got nourishment from someone you didn’t think you deserved. He learned a great deal from you too. Sometimes those who are louder are trying to drown out the sound of their insecurities. Sometimes people are louder because they have different personality traits and use the tool of being vocal in a different way than you. All humans have the power to be who they want and change the world if they wish.

Go do you, you quiet, introspective, beautiful as any, soul. <3

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3 Steps to Being Relentless

There are so many things we want out of life, but how do we get them?

It’s not really about the “how to” in this day and age. We can google absolutely anything, from how to boil water, how to deal with an over bearing mother in law, to how to be a millionaire–in a million different ways! The answers are at our finger tips. What is not at our finger tips–is how to be relentless.

Nike’s slogan “Just Do It” is just that simple and just not simple.

Step One: Have a clear picture of what you want. You’ll need to be clear on your values. Plenty of opportunities are out there, and we can get swept up into thinking that we must take action that compromises our values to get there. If we know what we want and how to go about it, we know where to say no, and where to take to say yes.

Step Two: Create an actionable plan. A lot of us are asking “How To” over and over again when we get sidetracked because we did not do Step One. Step two means one foot in front of the other, we go on a mapped out quest. There are a lot of unplanned obstacles on the way, which leads to–

Step Three: Have Patience. Although we can create a clear path that grounds us, we have to take into account that our goals aren’t 3 minute popcorn to zap, crackle, pop, and done! We think we see instant success in others stories in a quick blurb on the ‘gram, but if we dig a little deeper, we can find out that person’s success took years of hard work planting seeds, failures, and rejections to get to their “over night success story”. Gary Vaynerchuk is a great person to listen to remind us of patience. Whether we achieve our dreams over night or years from now, with relentlessness and patience, we’re not going to be surprised or dissapointed either way.

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